On Commitment; or, Why I Write

I’ve been thinking about commitment a lot lately. For one thing, I’m planning on getting married later this year. Yes, in a plague year. Love in the time of coronavirus. Hey, we thought 2020 was going to be just a nice round number that gave us plenty of time to plan, not an apocalyptic cyberpunk hellscape. And I thought marriage was just a formalization of what already existed in a relationship between two people. It is, but also much more than that: a meditation on family, on identity and names, and yes, of commitment. The process of planning, and then having our plans torpedoed, and then re-planning for something completely different has been…a journey. One starts with a vision. Then reality sticks its oar in.

There’s commitment to another person, and then there is the (perhaps harder) commitment to oneself. For me, writing is a commitment to myself. To my dreams and visions. I’ve written for years, but only in the last few years found myself able to take myself seriously as a writer. Now, I’m trying to take myself seriously as an Author, or at least an inspiring author, and realizing that to do this, I must also take myself seriously in public, which in the cyberpunk pandemic present also means on the Internet.

Which is about where the imposter syndrome starts to seep in. “Just who do you think you are?” it screams.

I’m a writer, dammit. I write about Martian detectives and space pirates and sentient ships, about alien megastructures and brain hacks. I write about demon lawyers trying to understand what justice means to the dehumanized. I write about complicated women fighting for survival in harsh universes ruled by absent gods. I write about witches who dig their feet into the grassy dirt to soak up the wisdom of the trees. I write about the world I know, which is diverse, queer, nontraditional, feminist, and full-spectrum, which grapples with the hard stuff of power and privilege and identity.

I write because stories are how I understand reality and how I understand myself. I write because it feeds my soul to imagine other worlds. I write because it feels good to steer the craft and because I love disciplines that require constant learning and challenge (see also: yoga, ballet, law, and social justice).

I created this blog and website as a way of stepping into myself, into my ambition of becoming not just a writer, but an author.

Here’s what’s on deck for the near future:

  • #WriterInMotion (maybe??? I would have to take time off from my current draft for this but I have Ideas)
  • Lessons on scene planning and “unstuckening” from my current work in process
  • SFFPit event, hard decisions, and clarity
  • Pitchwars 2019 experience and hopes for 2020
  • …and more?!

I don’t know if anyone is going to read these words I am screaming into my own personal void, but if you did, thank you! I’d love to connect with other writers and readers on here. At the risk of dating myself, I definitely miss the days of Livejournal and the lively creative exchange that occurred there. I’d like to set up a blogroll here of other writers I’ve connected with here, on Twitter, and elsewhere.

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